The Powers That Be

Okay everyone, I’m going to get personal here. I need to share a very personal story that has impacted our lives leading up to the big decision we made about hiking the Appalachian Trail.

As I said before, some call it Karma, some, random acts of coincidence, and others call it divine intervention. Whatever you believe, that belief is very personal to you, as what I believe, is very personal to me. Bear with me now, as I share some very personal experiences that have led me to connect in a personal way to my belief, my faith.

Only a few months after my husband Ben was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, my mother passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. It really shook my family and myself to bear so much tragedy. She was a great woman, avid artist, friend to many, lover of the arts, and she even accomplished writing, illustrating and publishing her very own children’s story. Tragically she passed away before she could hold her book, that she worked so hard on in her hands. Her copies of her book were delivered on the front porch of her house that day, but she had already passed away of ischemic cardiovascular disease.

After going through all the events that happen after a death, wake, funeral service, memorial service of life and laying my dear mother into her grave, something very magical happened. My first “Powers That Be” moment. I was walking my dog outside and I looked down and found a four leaf clover, wow, and then later that day I found another four leaf clover, wow again. My mind was blown by finding these rare treasures. I searched for a meaning behind this and wow again, realized that this is my mother telling me, in a way I can not deny, that she is in heaven. I knew this for a fact. I was blown away.

I had grown up with faith in God. My mother was a devote catholic so I grew up in the catholic church. As I grew older I, as many do, strayed from my faith. I always believed in God, but I felt that the relationship I had with God was more in nature. After this though, I found myself wanting to understand it all. All of life’s big questions became my focus.

Then more and more four leaf clovers kept coming. I would literally be walking, look down and boom, there would lay a four leaf clover. I kept them in my bible. A bible my mother gave me years ago. I found these four leaf clovers all over. I found the most of course in the back yard where I took my dog out the most, but also I found some in other places like family’s houses and on the hiking trails I frequented. All and all I found about 130+ or so, but I lost count.

I had to do something with all these clovers. What on earth am I going to do with so many. Well, my mother loved her prayer cards. I got them from her often with gifts. So, ah! Yes, that is what I should do with them. I made little prayer card with nice messages on them. I would hand them out to people and even leave them in the grocery store with the four leaf clovers facing out. It made me chuckle thinking of someone walking along in the store and finding a four leaf clover.

I pray now, and I would pray daily that my clovers would bring blessings to those that found them. Maybe they would bring them good fortune as well. Though this phenomena was not bringing me any financial break throughs. I bought many lottery tickets thinking that my pot of gold could be coming from all of this. But no it hasn’t and I’m okay with that. I feel that this all has been a blessing to me. I have changed and become a new person.

I’m very fortunate that Ben, a non religious person, was comfortable with this new me. He even supported me as I found a religious class that I started to attend, The Alpha Class. This class was a good way to bring myself back to my faith. My sister even attended the class with me. With the loss of our mother the class was instrumental in helping us to deal with our loss. We even shared a “Powers That Be” moment the day we went to our first class. That day I found a poem in my mother’s jewelry box that was one my sister had felt compelled that year to memorize. We had no idea that this poem was also meaningful to our mother. So meaningful that my mother kept it in a place where she kept her treasures.

Invictus

OUT of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods that be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place if wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishment the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

With all these powerful experiences I was having, I started to wonder, how does a person get to heaven. Clearly I now believe that there is a heaven. My mother found her way to prove that to me (I may someday be brave enough to share this, but not yet). If it is faith that gets us there, well I think I’m now working on that, but I wondered how will my husband go to heaven if he is not a religious person. I know him so well, and know he is a really good person, who always tries to help others. He is filled with love in his heart. I thought long and hard about the teachings of the bible. I kept thinking about how “Love” is discussed so much in the bible. Then I read Corinthians 13:13 “And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love; but the greatest of these is love”. I was stuck on this. Was this what will bring my husband to heaven? If he knows “love” does he know, God?

Next time I went to the little chapel room that I would go to when I wanted to have an intimate time with my faith and God. I prayed and prayed, asking for a sign that God could give me that would assure me these things. Then it happened. Another “Powers That Be” moment. An answered prayer as I saw it.

It was November, there was ice and snow all over, but there was a little bit of grass showing in the area I was taking my dog out to pee. This was the next morning after I went to the little chapel room. I look down and there it was, another four leaf clover.

I knew that this was my sign.

Okay last one to share now. I know I am going on and on about all this religious stuff. Don’t worry if this isn’t your kind of thing. This is just very precious to me so I want to share this all with you all.

So, I loved this alpha class so much, that I wanted to share it with others. I started an alpha class at my community building where I live. In one of these classes, I finally mustered up the courage to discuss my heartache of my husband’s job loss and on setting depression from it all. I felt I was losing my husband. He wasn’t the same. I opened up about how we always wanted to hike the Appalachian Trail. How I was sad to think of how this may someday not be possible with his condition. The discussion group I was in that night gave me the best advice. Advice that the world was trying to tell me in it’s own way, but I just wasn’t listening. Now I heard it though, loud and clear, as they said to me “Just do it”.

I could not stop thinking of it that night. I tossed and turned all night, not sleeping a wink. I figured it out. We CAN do it. We have most of the means needed if we tap into everything we’ve worked for. 401K, IRA we have the gear we need, hmm, this actually could happen.

Next day.

I’m elated with excitement to tell my husband. I run in the door when I’m on my lunch break from work and tell him, “I think we are supposed to hike the Appalachian Trail.” I explained all the things that lead me to believe this is true. It was a lot for him to grasp.

“No, no, there’s no way we can do this he said.”

Then it sank in. He started to think about it more and more until he realized the same, we CAN do this. We started to discuss the possibilities of this all as we were taking our dog Meadow out to pee. As we were talking I look down, and low and behold, there it is. Another sign. Another “Powers That Be” moment. A four leaf clover just where I was about to step.

Now that’s it.

Even though he has a hard time believing in all these moments I’ve been having, he’s now a part of one. One that is about to change our life as we know it. He more or less, believes this all to be more works of circumstance, or Karma, but it does not matter what way he wants to look at it. He’s a part of it now.

I am grateful for all of these “Powers That Be” moments that have been leading our life to where we are going. To me, I feel that God has the wheel. If he can lead us to it he can lead us through it.

What ever “Powers That Be” that works in your life, I hope you all feel the moments and treasure the journey.

Every dollar raised directly supports people living with MS in our community, funding important programs and services and fueling research. You are helping to create a bigger impact than you may realize. http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/mymsvstheat Our personal fundraising efforts to help with any medical expenses during our journey https://gofundme.com/my-ms-vs-the-at